Summer

Okay so I'm writing to tell you all, that I am bored... Yup that's right bored. How did it happen you might be wondering? Well I'm not quite certain, but I'm not liking it. I know there's plenty to do, I could draw, read, go longboarding, go on a walk, wash my car, wash my dogs (okay not literally right now because it's night time, but the boredom has been an all day thing today, so these are things I could have done over the course of today, not necessarily right now... Get it? Got it? Good. [mom reference] lol), do crafts, play games with my sibs, go to a friend's house, I mean the possibilities are just ENDLESS, but do I do those things? No, not today anyway. Instead I sat around ALMOST all day, and did next to nothing. I feel so unproductive, and I don't feel at all good about myself after such a day. Why didn't I do something to make life better? For me, for my family, for anybody? I wasted a day. I hate doing that. Should have done something, I knew I was being like this today too, but somehow couldn't combat it for long. I stepped onto my trampoline at the foot of my bed and halfheartedly bounced on it for about 40 seconds, couldn't even get into THAT! & I LOVE my trampoline. Then for about an hour I went to Kohl's I just had to get out of the house, and I walked around and tried things on and left empty handed because I forgot my mom's 30% off coupon, and why would I buy that stuff for $20 when I could have it tomorrow for $14.... that's 30% off right....? Oh math skills, so long hast it been since thou hast departed from me (melodramatic sigh with the back of my hand across my forehead and my eyes closed, head tilted slightly back). Well let's see, 20.00 take away one zero... 2.00 and times it by 3... 6.00 and take that away from 20.00... $14.00!!!!!!!!! Yes I got it right, hahaha. So the skills are still in there somewhere, but geez I used to be super speedy at mental math, now I feel like an old granny counting on my fingers or something. That's what college will do to you folks. They claim it makes you smarter, but my only real lessons in college have been outside the classroom, okay and Chinese, I am learning a TON in Chinese, but the other classes.... mmm you glean what you can. Professors and curricula aren't what's wrong with my arithmetic abilities however, that deficiency comes from being good at math ironically. I took AP Calculus and AP Statistics in high school and scored well on both tests, so I bought myself a get out of jail free card at UCR!!! Woo woo!!! No more math for Chelsea (oblivious to staring onlookers-happy dance) but wait.... that means Chelsea isn't using her math skills anymore..... (yeah, who cares? I'm dancing here!) well, but that means... Chelsea is going to forget everything she learned and her wasted life spent on homework, will now be even more pointless.... (um.. well yeah that's true.... but hey I'm having a party and I did what I needed to so that's all that matters right?) ... Well yeah sure it's fine, until your friend needs help on their homework in match 9c or whatever it is, then what?... (Oh... well... they have other friends right? I passed my AP tests, I deserve this!!) You deserve passivity, laziness, and loss of skill? ... (Oy vey [cuz I'm Jewish apparently].... I guess you're right, but calculus is not a skill I'm going to find exceedingly profitable in my endeavors anyway, so I'll have to let this one slide and just work on keeping the skills I DO still have).

Okay done with that randomness. It's true though, sometimes I really beat myself up for spending so much time learning something and getting good at it, and then just letting it erode over time. Like my math skills, like my muscles I once had, like so many other things, I should have just done some upkeep over the years and then I would have so much more going for me than I currently do. Sometimes I also wonder how many people just see me and think I'm just another ditsy blond? Should that bother me? Is it really a problem if they do? I'm not sure, but it DEFINITELY DOES BOTHER ME whether it should or not, and whether it matters or not. Especially in college being a CHASS major, every one of my engineering friends just assumes I'm unintelligent, or incapable of doing anything analytic. It bothers me that people would perceive me that way, it makes me want to boast desperately of all my accomplishments in life, and the awards and statuses I've achieved that "prove" I am smart. Which is pathetic. Why am I so desperate to be thought of as smart, and so scared that people will think otherwise? Because I am prideful. I have pride in what I am and what I have done, I am prideful in my intelligence, and believe it a great injustice if someone does not observe my intellect. All growing up that's what people focused on. Whether for good or bad, they all noticed that I was smart, and I was rewarded for it as a kid by adults. Good grades, awards, special privileges, etc. People knew my intelligence more than they knew me for most of my life... as sad a story as that is. It was my shield when I was picked on, my safety when other things didn't go so well, I could always just go back to, well maybe I'm not pretty and the boys don't like me, but I am smart! & that will count for something later on. But when you get to college, it doesn't really count anymore. When you get to college, lots of people are smart (still vast quantities of others aren't, but.. many more people are), no one gives you brownie points for knowing all the answers, most of the teachers don't even know you exist, you're a face in a crowd and you gotta really be somebody to stand out. Being smart still counts of course, it counts in your grades, it counts at work, it will count later when I need to start a career, but it no longer wins me the center of attention. It goes by largely unnoticed which I have yet to learn how to deal with completely I guess. So yes, it bothers me when someone thinks I'm stupid, because secretly I still long to be known as the smarty-pants, even though I was always picked on. But anyway, it doesn't really matter; I need to just get over it, and if people think I'm done well that's their loss... maybe? Haha idk. 

Oops so I got distracted with random animal facts yesterday and forgot to finish this lol. I guess I did find a solution to my boredom afterall. Blogging, and learning trivia haha. Now it's a brand new day, and I can't say that it really started off all that great... also can't say why not, but it wasn't pretty that's for sure. But then surprise converse shoes came in the mail for me XD there's a pic up on facebook, and then my dad took me to Kohl's and I bought a few things, and now we're getting ready to go to a birthday party for a family friend. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog, but if he happens to read this one HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN!!!!! He's half way to 100 woo woo! My dad and this guy met each other in HIGH SCHOOL and have been best friends ever since. So ya, known this guy my whole life. Gonna go take a shower now and get ready for the party! Gotta be presentable ya know :p can't be all stinky or whatevs haha. AND I get to go swimming again!!! I've been swimming a TON this summer and I'm loving it. Can't get enough. I miss water polo so much. Need to swim myself back into shape! It's the most fun exercise you can do in my book. But ya for reals now, I'm going to go take my shower and then maybe I'll write some more. Who knows :)

Thanks for reading. Hope you're all having a great summer! 

<3

P.S. The colors are boring today because one of my friends says the colors are just too much haha, so for this one post I'm leaving it black and white. Ugh even though it looks so ridiculously bland haha.